Flashes

OK, I promised myself that I would not dwell on the affair, or allow myself to wallow in .... whatever .... until I move on and have some time and space separating me and all this baggage.

But things rarely go according to plan.

Flash back to the day Vinny told me what he did: He insinuated that it was just a thing, not something he planned, just happened, etc. Silly me, I assumed at the time that it happened only went he made his second trip to Canada close to Christmas.

Flash forward to a news article I saw today, entitled "Tiger's Thanksgiving Incident" or something like that. *click-click-click* Suddenly another fact surfaced: Vinny had also told me that he hated hearing about the whole Tiger Woods scandal because it was a constant, daily reminder of what he had done. And he made his first trip to Canada just before Thanksgiving.

So he did it more than once. I had wondered why he scheduled a second trip so quickly. Didn't think he wanted to see his dad again that bad.

I am just disgusted. Can't believe I didn't figure this out sooner.

Also, Sue told me today that she is showing her house to someone on Sunday. I had kinda been counting on the fact that it's such a dump that no one would make an offer. I hope I'm still right. I'd like to move approximately mid-summer, like July or August. I also realized that Jen may not be able to keep her house that long. Feels like I'm standing on marbles and they're starting to slide out from under me.

Assignment: Living Arrangements

• stay in my house, find a roommate
*risk: this mortgage has already crippled me
*risk: staying here will ensure no future savings, ever
*risk: crazy person, becomes incompatible
*risk: periods of time with no roommate, reducing my income
+reward: stay in my own house
+reward: provides enough money to survive

• move in with Dad
*risk: difficult with cats & dogs
*risk: he will make me crazy, resentful
+reward: best way to save money, while still contributing
+reward: someone home for dogs all day
+reward:

• move in with Jen
*risk: she's mental, she might drag me down
+reward: good for cats & dogs (fenced-in yard)
+reward: I can help her keep her house
+reward: has real garage
-other: I'll have to keep her motivated & moving forward, not allowing her to wallow and stagnate

• rent from Sue at work (she lives elsewhere)
*risk: opportunity will disappear if she sells her house
*risk: I don't want to form close bonds with her
+reward: I will be on my own, maybe option to buy
-other: that place is a dump, not best location, but not worst
-other: would need improvement, stupid to pour money into something that is not yours

I have a lot to think about.

Assignment: Split Finances

• take my name off Credit Union credit card
• take my name off joint account
• Vinny's truck loan moves to his account - 24 late fees over last 38 months!!!! unacceptable

Assignment: Real Estate Options

• SlumLord Plan - multi-family house as second stream of income
• find a roommate..... :(
• buy a dirt-cheap little dump, under $100,000, if short sale is possible on my house

• consult with Karen at Calcagni, consult with an attorney who specializes in short sale

2/22/10 - Karen referred me to Don Brown, attorney specializing in Short Sales. He crunched some numbers and said there is no way I can be approved to take on a new mortgage while I still have this one on my current house. Blech. Not what I wanted to hear.

Karen said to look again at what options I can find with family. Financial pressure of mortgage / rent can be relieved (while I still contribute.... no freeloading!). Once my credit recovers from the Shart Sale damage (3-4 years), I will be in a position to think with a clear head, and make better decisions. By then, I'll be able to buy something better than a little dump or a slumlord property.

Assignment: Mediate

• define the difference between mediation and traditional divorce
• search for mediation services
• cost
• develop a timeframe

Assignment: Short Sale

• better than foreclosure, but no guarantee of success (lender must agree, buyer must be found)
• the amount of the shortage will be treated as income, on a 1099-c, so the amount is taxable.
• must have an attorney for this. CPA also a good idea.

Assignments

I kept my appointment with Rene at the Credit Union last Friday. She was very helpful in suggesting options, but most importantly, she gave strong indication that purchasing another house is not out of the question. But it has to be done while I still have this house in good standing.

I really just glossed over the reason behind all this. I just told her that things are not working out and that Vinny and I would be splitting up. I said it has been a long time coming to this point, and lately some things have changed, and now it's time. She didn't press the issue.

But she did say that you can't just keep putting things off. She was married for 17 yrs, and then her mom died. She had lots of plans, but never even made it to retirement - she developed a cancer and was gone in 6 months. "Life is too short - make the most of it every day!" I seem to be noticing that message a lot lately. So Rene called it quits and moved on with her life. I never knew that about her.

1. Learn about Short Sales for homes. Pro's and con's.

2. Try to Mediate a divorce instead of hiring attorneys - far less expensive!

3. Save money! I'll need approx 6,000 - 9,000 for downpayments, fees, etc.

4. Talk to Dad - would he co-sign?

5. Possible to rent out my house? Research comparable rentals.

6. Purchase multi-family house and be a slumlord? Research risk / reward, potential extra income

7. If I decide on Foreclosure, will my new house be at risk?

Valentine's Day

What a weird day. Like just going through the motions.

We exchanged cards, and thought about going out to dinner. I've been feeling run-down for the past couple of weeks, so we didn't go.

I did take a nap. Been a long time since I did that.

Time to Think

OK, I've given myself some time to think things over. It is clear to me that "coincidence" is a weak concept for what has recently happened.

My decision was to start a blog about new directions in my life. I was thinking along the lines of my new job, my efforts in designing jewelry, and things like that.

Later that same evening, my husband decided to tell me that he had an affair.

So now I have recovered from being blindsided. I really don't have all my feelings sorted out about that yet. I still care about him deeply. But for a long, long time, I guess it has been more like a "roommate" scenario than a marriage. And we've both been stuck in that rut.

But some things are clear to me. This is my catalyst for making my own way in the world. I am 35 years old, and I am sick and tired of bailing out a (financially) sinking ship. I've been sacrificing my own goals for over 10 years now, and I am done with that.

Vinny wants to try to work things out, of course, and has agreed to go to counselling. I guess I should have been more clear about my position, but he was so crushed already that I just couldn't do it. I know it will be out in the open pretty soon. I know that I'm going to be OK. But I'm not so sure about him.

During the past 10 days, I decided that I need my own place. Vinny seems to think that I could stay in the house, but I don't want that big mortgage payment anymore. I want a small mortgage that leaves me plenty of money for saving, investing, etc.

I thought about renting, but my credit is destroyed, and I will have 2 dogs and 4 cats. He's going to have to take the other 3 cats, a.k.a the "minions."

Last week, I called Calcagni Realtors after seeing a house online. We talked for a bit about my life changes, and I told her that I understand this is a long term process. She agrees that I am not ready right now. I'd like to be in a new place by the end of the year. That gives me 10-11 months to get things done. In reality, I think it will take longer. A huge issue - that I put right out in the open - is that we are so far underwater on our house right now that I don't even know what to do. We owe $253,000. Houses in our neighborhood have recently sold for $120,000, $130,000 and $157,000. That is terrifying.

Karen (the realtor) advised me that I need to go talk to my bank. She said that they could lay out possible options, and that might help guide my decisions and schedule. She was very nice, and professional at the same time. So far, I like her. She set up a basic property search for me, based on location, so I could start studying the current market. I understand that offerings will be different by the time I am finally ready to buy, but this will help to keep me updated on things, and keep me motivated.

My appointment with Rene at the Credit Union is this afternoon. I have a copy of a recent mortgage statement and today's paystub. I know that I am in a very bad situation with the house, and I have appalling credit history. But I have 2 things going for me: I have been a member of the credit union for over 10 years, and I have a very good job now. I'm making more money in an entry position than I ever did when I worked in commercial printing. Plus, next November I will be eligible for the profit sharing program.

I am nervous about this. Over the past 10 days, I have had flashes of fear and anxiety. But I have also had hope and anticipation. I love the idea of buying a little dumpy house and renovating it. I love the thrill of finding a property and envisioning the possibilities. I am looking forward to having a place of my own, with my dogs, my own garden, only my things in the house.... Maybe it sounds selfish, but that vision is what keeps me going right now.

For Real

There I am in my first entry, talking about fresh starts, etc.

How was I to know things could change so much, so fast, in just a couple of hours?

Here's to my fresh start.

Do I have what it takes? I'm so scared.

First Entry

Might as well explain the name "Viridian Origins."

I feel as though I am at the beginning of many new experiences in my life. Within the past year, I have started a new job in a new (to me) industry. I have discovered a new pasttime, and I wonder if anything will come of it. My gardens around my house are finally beginning to take shape, and the progress inspires me to continue with improvements. So, many new beginnings - Origins!

Viridian is from the Latin viridis, meaning green. More precisely, viridian is a soft, dark shade of spring green. What description could be more refreshing? There are so many associations with the color green: New life, currency, fresh start, etc. Plus, I like the cadance of the word!