Just came back from Amber's wedding - was exquisite! Also combined the trip with a day at corporate - feeling so inspired now!
While I was travelling, I finally had some time to reflect. Thought about Logan, grieved a bit, I'm sure there's more to come. Also had to deal with Vinny sending flurries of text messages about how much he loves me, is so sad and lonely, please come home, work it out, etc, ad nauseum. Really just pushed me away even more. Desperation is so unappealing.
Last night, I came across a few old journals. Was shocked to see how much anger, bitterness and resentment I had, even 5-6 years ago. Some floodgates opened, I suppose there will be more of that also.
Today I realize that Vinny's requests of reconciliation are all self-centered. He wants me to go back so that everything will be OK for HIM. If he truly loves me without condition or restriction, he would want what's best for ME, and what makes ME happy.
So, now that I made this breakthrough, I feel much less guilty about standing up for myself.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
A New Chapter Begins
Things have been a mess, living out of boxes for a few days....
...but now it's feeling more like home!I feel SO good about everything.
What took me so long?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
ShitShow!
Four days! tick tock, tick tock...
Vinny just adopted a Golden Retriever a couple of days ago. Baron is an awesome dog, but Shadow doesn't think so. Then again, Shadow doesn't like ANY other dogs besides Chip.
We introduced them outside, on leashes, and walked them around the yard. Things went pretty well, as long as we Humans controlled the situation.
After about an hour, we finally went inside. A few minutes later, Vinny thought it would be a good idea to let Baron and Shadow off-leash, and "just see what happens." I refused. He insisted. OK, fine.
Less than 10 seconds later, Shadow nipped Baron, and Baron ran to Vinny, crying and yowling. Vinny got mad at Shadow, and I got mad at Vinny. We've been living with Shadow for 2.5 years. Did he really think that Shadow would respond differently? Did he not hear me for the whole past week, saying "we need to keep them separated" ????
So now we are keeping them separated. It's breaking my heart, because I can see that Chip & Shadow feel pushed aside. I have now moved into the spare room, so they can still sleep next to me. But they are Sad Dogs, and I have no way to explain to them that it's just for a few days.
Also, this morning, Zorro got in Baron's way, and Vinny ended up with a shredded arm. I need to get my cats and dogs into the Little Farmhouse ASAP.
Vinny just adopted a Golden Retriever a couple of days ago. Baron is an awesome dog, but Shadow doesn't think so. Then again, Shadow doesn't like ANY other dogs besides Chip.
We introduced them outside, on leashes, and walked them around the yard. Things went pretty well, as long as we Humans controlled the situation.
After about an hour, we finally went inside. A few minutes later, Vinny thought it would be a good idea to let Baron and Shadow off-leash, and "just see what happens." I refused. He insisted. OK, fine.
Less than 10 seconds later, Shadow nipped Baron, and Baron ran to Vinny, crying and yowling. Vinny got mad at Shadow, and I got mad at Vinny. We've been living with Shadow for 2.5 years. Did he really think that Shadow would respond differently? Did he not hear me for the whole past week, saying "we need to keep them separated" ????
So now we are keeping them separated. It's breaking my heart, because I can see that Chip & Shadow feel pushed aside. I have now moved into the spare room, so they can still sleep next to me. But they are Sad Dogs, and I have no way to explain to them that it's just for a few days.
Also, this morning, Zorro got in Baron's way, and Vinny ended up with a shredded arm. I need to get my cats and dogs into the Little Farmhouse ASAP.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Farewell Old Friend
Logan
Thank you for finding me, and sharing your life
You have always been exceptional
and so brave
~~~
9.15.10Monday, September 13, 2010
I might have a stroke...
...if things get delayed by another week!
I met the owner at the little farmhouse yesterday, to go inside & take a look around now that its empty, take measurements, gauge what needs to be done...
Status: FAIL
Prior tenant did not leave the key, or her new phone number / address. She is actually paid thru the 15th.
Owner will give her until the 15th to bring back the key, then maybe change the locks in a day or so after that.
Next tasks:
~sign & make a copy of the lease agreement
~schedule utilities (gas & electric, maybe garbage too)
~have check prepared for deposit and/or 1st month
~continue to get boxes & pack during evenings
Once Inside later this week:
~confirm that owner is buying fridge and stove
~check for appliances like dishwasher, microwave
~measure space for washer & dryer
~measure all rooms & doorways (furniture, rugs, etc)
~gauge cleaning supplies needed for paint prep
~when can I have the key?
I met the owner at the little farmhouse yesterday, to go inside & take a look around now that its empty, take measurements, gauge what needs to be done...
Status: FAIL
Prior tenant did not leave the key, or her new phone number / address. She is actually paid thru the 15th.
Owner will give her until the 15th to bring back the key, then maybe change the locks in a day or so after that.
Next tasks:
~sign & make a copy of the lease agreement
~schedule utilities (gas & electric, maybe garbage too)
~have check prepared for deposit and/or 1st month
~continue to get boxes & pack during evenings
Once Inside later this week:
~confirm that owner is buying fridge and stove
~check for appliances like dishwasher, microwave
~measure space for washer & dryer
~measure all rooms & doorways (furniture, rugs, etc)
~gauge cleaning supplies needed for paint prep
~when can I have the key?
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